thoughts upon waking from a dream

i'm seldom lonely
i don't know why
 
maybe i've just gotten used to it
maybe it's because loneliness,
when it does come,
is usually accompanied by more pressing
evils
 
but loneliness is seldom my primary foe

to a friend – on leaving a church

well i think i’m about done at bayside

for a while, i’ve felt like i needed to stay just to be the designated a##hole

but that role really tires me

i know i make it look easy, but it’s tiring

the penultimate jerk

during the divorce people made some pretty harsh judgments about me

some were false

some were true

but no one judged me more harshly than i did

the upshot is this

when everyone condemns you

and deep inside, your response is

– ‘you don’t even know’

well, it’s ultimately very freeing

love your neighbor

love your neighbor as you love yourself

. . .

i’m pretty sure my neighbors wouldn’t appreciate me doing that

. . .

just sayin’

sometimes (although i may already have a writing by that name- but who cares)

sometimes
i just get tired
of all the things
the pressures
the responsibilities
the grind

sometimes
i just want
to walk away
to disappear
to melt into the landscape

small talk

small talk

i don’t particularly like it

i don’t do it well

i’m either awkward, or literal or both

in fact- last night a friend of mine asked me

‘how are you?’

you know

-how are you

-fine, you?

-fine

but because i’m very literal, and awkward, and . . .me

and because i can’t remember very many times in my life where ‘fine’ is the appropriate description of how i am

and because i knew she was really asking

this was my response

(perhaps this will give you pause before making small talk with me)

 

consumed