Posts Tagged ‘mid life’

thoughts. . . on sin

Posted: March 16, 2015 in god stuff, mid life
Tags: ,

in my prayers, i often tell god that i am sorry for my sins

but the truth is more complex than that

first, there are sins i’m not even aware of

sins that are nested

acts of anger that havetheirs roots in jealousy or pride for example

and to be honest, there are sins that i feel are justified

sins that i have a right to (more…)


we’ll take a short break from my normally angst ridden prose for this personal update:


i was driving our 2000 vw jetta vr6 a couple of weeks ago

i looked down and told my son- ‘we’ve got 199912 miles on this; we’ll be turning 200k in the next day or two”

about 3 miles later a tap started in the engine

by the time we got home (at 199956) it was obvious we were not going to turn 200k


the ex factor

Posted: December 31, 2014 in mid life, unrequited love
Tags: ,

when he met her, he realized he had never come across a person who needed to be loved so desperately in his life

and he thought it his job

like if you found a starving puppy, you’d give it food

he would take this angry shell, and give her love

he expected her to find comfort in the love

to find safety in the love

to find stability in the love he would give her

if she were loved purely enough, he reasoned, she would let the anger go, and become a healthier she


i cannot kiss ass

Posted: December 13, 2014 in darkness, mid life
Tags: ,

I cannot kiss ass
I cannot be fake
Not for very long at least

I cannot scheme against another
I cannot betray
I cannot

Not for very long at least

Not without punishing myself


i’d caught a glimpse a time or two

i’d stumbled upon a crack in the wall that concealed

the wall itself was massive

stucco covered stone and brick that looked like it had been there since the beginning

the stucco had fallen in some areas

the brick and stone had given way in fewer spots

but somehow that didn’t make the wall look decayed or weaker

it made the wall look like it had survived stronger forces than i could wield
and it had not given way

the wall looked battle scarred

but formidable



Posted: August 6, 2014 in god stuff, mid life
Tags: ,

A friend’s father just died
I sent this

Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus   
I find it comforting to realize that in mourning, I react exactly as Jesus did

it is

i think


in some dark sense

in some weird humor

that my craft

my art

my estate

is really

when all is said and done

just me

leaving stains

on paper